I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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