You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
