Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
