dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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