i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
