i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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