I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
