yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize