I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
