Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i drank out of a bidet.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
