I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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