My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
