Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so let's talk penis.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
