And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
