I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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