Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
