i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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