seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
