I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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