A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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