remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
