just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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