I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
