Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
this just has baby written all over it
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
