I wish they made helmets for livers.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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