I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
