One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
