you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So squirting runs in the family.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize