So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
