I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
