chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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