Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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