i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
