hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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