Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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