take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
