my sisters under your porch take her home
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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