i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
