her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
