This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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