erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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