I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
