I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
