you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Randomize
