I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
