i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
