Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
