You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize