getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize