How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
