I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Non-Jews are for practice
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
