I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
