You're completely useless in the revolution.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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