This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well I just put wine in my tea
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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