Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
