Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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