grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
...so i touched it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
