Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
