quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
