Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
