is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
