I'm going to jail i love you
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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