i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
