grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
