Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize