Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
