i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
