Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
