Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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