I smell stomach acid.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
