Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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