just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
