Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize