i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Welp...herpes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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