dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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