Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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