You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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