remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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