If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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