You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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