It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
